What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

True - how I loved my mum!

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

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“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

What do you mean son?

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Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

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About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Why are US customs agents so talkative? I cringed hard when a US customs agent asked me if I was on vacation. He doesn’t need to know why I went to another country as long as I am a U.S. citizen.

What! how could you do that?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Do you know what she said mum?

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“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”